The Reality Check

A few months ago, I was on a sales call where the client said:

“Can you build this feature in two weeks? Our last vendor promised it.”

Now, if you've worked in tech for even five minutes, you know what that means: either they were lied to, or they're about to be lied to again. My brain instantly went into negotiation mode-not about price, but about reality.

And here's the thing most people don't realize: in tech, negotiation isn't just about contracts. It's in every pull request, every sprint planning meeting, every “one last feature” conversation at 11 p.m.”

The Harvard Negotiation Project calls it principled negotiation. I call it survival. Let me show you with three short stories-and how they connect directly to the way we build software.

Separate People from the Problem (The Window Story)

Two men argue in a library. One wants the window open for fresh air. The other insists it stay shut because his papers will fly. A librarian, overhearing, simply opens another window. Fresh air enters. Papers stay safe. Problem solved.

That's the principle: be soft on the person, hard on the problem.

In tech, this shows up in sprint planning. The PM says, “We need it by Friday.” The engineer snaps back, “You always underestimate!” Suddenly the person is the problem. But if you reframe-“The estimation process is broken”-then you can attack the issue without attacking each other.

Focus on Interests, Not Positions (The Orange Story)

Two junior chefs fight over an orange. The head chef splits it in half to be “fair.” One eats the fruit, tosses the peel. The other uses the peel, tosses the fruit. Half of everything wasted.

Had the chef asked why each wanted the orange, both could've had 100% of what they needed.

That's negotiation: don't argue over positions (“I need the whole orange”), dig into interests (“I need the peel for baking”).

In tech, this happens daily on sales calls. A client says, “We need it cheap.” On the surface, that's a position. But the interest is usually risk: they want confidence you'll deliver. If you keep lowering the price instead of addressing the fear, you miss the point.

Use Fair Standards (The Cake Story)

Two kids fight over a cake. How do you divide it fairly? Simple: one cuts, the other chooses. Suddenly the cutter has every reason to slice evenly, and the chooser feels empowered.

That's the idea of objective criteria-standards that don't rely on opinions.

In engineering, this looks like using burn-down charts, velocity, or market benchmarks. Instead of arguing “this feels like too much work,” you anchor on data: “Our average velocity is 20 story points per sprint. This backlog is 40.”

Invent Options for Mutual Gain

Negotiation isn't yes vs no. It's about inventing better options.

Imagine the client who asks: “Can you deliver this massive feature in two weeks?” You could say “yes” (and burn out the team), or “no” (and lose the deal). But there's always a third option: “We can ship a smaller MVP in two weeks, and the full version in a month.”

People love having choices. When you co-create options, they feel ownership-and ownership builds trust.

The Secret Currency of Negotiation

Here's the twist nobody talks about: in tech, the most valuable currency isn't money-it's respect.

• A developer who feels respected will stay late to save a release.
• A client who feels respected will forgive a missed deadline.
• A sales lead who feels respected will pay more because they trust you.

Respect is invisible, but it changes everything. Lose it, and no framework will save you.

Final Takeaway

Negotiation isn't a boardroom skill-it's an everyday survival skill in tech. And the ones who thrive aren't the loudest or toughest. They're the ones who:

• Separate the problem from the person
• Dig for interests, not just positions
• Anchor on fair standards instead of opinions
• Co-create options instead of splitting the difference

Because at the end of the day, every conversation is a negotiation. And the better you get at it, the smoother your sales calls, your sprints, and yes-your whole career-will run.